REmember: In another life.

In another life. I would have been Paramore's Hayley Williams.

She is the epitomy of awesomeness and coolness.

I am twice her age. If she reads this she might get a little freaked out.

When I am alone. I am her. In the car with the windows up, in the shower, on stage at Madison Square Gardens. She is me.
sigh. I need a glass of wine.

I always wanted to be MUSIC. Literally. Either on stage or back stage or producing it. At 13 I decided that I would become a producer and that I would name my label "Manifest Destiny". I wanted to be the female Berry Gordy. I wanted to have unnaturally colored hair and tattoos. Well, I still want that! But. Dreams. They sometimes don't come with you when you leave town. Sometimes they sit on a shelf and collect dust and years and time. And effort. Life is much different now than what I at one time imagined it would be. Fear. It is a bad thing. Insecurity, even worse. Oh yeah, and that I was never talented musically be it by voice, presence or the ability to produce a song...that didn't help either. I moved to Tennessee. I met John. I was for the first time in my life, secure and truly loved. I married him. We floated for 10 years. Then Olivia was born. Still floating. Love her and him more than myself...but sometimes, when I see a young wild gal on stage I float over there to a corner of the stage. The corner with play lists and empty beverage containers, amps and strings. sigh. I really need a glass of wine!