Papa's gone home...

He passed away last night. About 10:30 Eastern Time. I am still struggling with the belief that he is not here. That I can't call him and have him simply answer "teeeeeeenaaaa weeeeeenaaaa!" My heart hurts.

REcognize a God Wink when you see one

My step-father is dying. He has been fighting cancer for about 5 years. But now, he is near the end. My heart is wrenched. I love him. I love him for many reasons. He is the only man I have ever witnessed being nice to my mom. Nice, as in, not hitting her, not drinking and drugging and then abusing her, giving her a nice home to live in and a decent car to drive, being a decent man, a political man, a smart and educated man. A man who stands his ground. An entrepreneur. A political man who votes and has held public office. A generous man. Honestly, I don't know how my husband and I could have made it during our first year as parents with very little income due to my choosing to stay at home with our daughter. Every month, quietly, discreetly, a check would arrive in the mail. Each month for that first year it came. Like clockwork. No strings. Just love, and advice and prayers. Security. That is what I think of when I think of him. And now, he is dying. And, he is fighting it. This morning I asked God to help him come peacefully. To not fight and to give himself some sort of peace through this. Today I saw a butterfly, a small white one, fluttering around. Probably the last one of this season. It reminded me of my prayer request this morning. Minutes later as I parked my car a moth landed on my hood. It struggled across the hood, as if it couldn't fly, as if it were injured or maybe fighting the urge to fly. And then, it spread it's wings and took flight. I wondered then...is this God saying to me "I have it under control. He is in my wings now and I will give him a safe and beautiful passage. As a human he will fight...until the very end.