REdevastated

Twilight, at my age?

It has been a mystery to me, and to others around me, as to why am I so engrossed in a series that allegedly is written for teens. Maybe because it is a timeless love story. It has all of the requirements: angst, misery, a light...falling in love with the boy that you should not fall in love with. It dredged up for me the difficult relationships that I had as a teen and a young adult.

My one-sided crush on Joe all through Jr. High. I carried a teensy little match for him through High School but was very careful to not reveal that to anyone else. He wrote the sweetest note in my yearbook at the very end of Senior year. It almost made up for the six plus years of my private heartache! Then there was Billy Crawford. The only boy to ever endanger my friendships. He broke up with me two weeks before my prom. And then, finally, there was Kyle. Truly....the worst of the worst. This boy made...no, I allowed this boy to pulverize my heart and soul. He drug it to h-e-double hockey sticks and back. Really, it was the ONE, that defined me for quite some time. It made a fool of me, it hurt more than just about anything I had experienced up until that time. It brought out the worst in me. The worst sort of person. Desperate, lonely, used. It tore through me to the depths of my heart, my soul...but I am not bitter :) After him, I took a six month sabbatical from dating...from going out period. I got my own apartment and lived by myself for six months. Then, I met my "Edward". John, my husband, is certainly not dangerous, he doesn't thirst for blood, nor is he 109 years old. But, he saved me. He pulled me from the pit I was in and showed me that nice guys, good guys, guys who did what they said they were going to do, and call when they said they would call...existed. So, for that, he is my Edward. Stephenie Meyers wrote about a universal heart problem, the one we all experience, however, Bella's story, albeit crazed and dangerous, boils down to one beautiful thing: against all odds and even the very nature of love in our realm...prevailed. It prevailed out of a story that should not have worked. So, the big three for me, the ones that didn't happen and the two that should never have happened, were dredged up for me. During this story Bella pursues the one she should not have but it worked. So, for a time, while reading, your heart is reminded of the big bad ones that you wanted so very much to work...but didn't. You can feel Edward's torment as well. He knows better, his every instinct tells him that he is more than capable of shredding Bella and her heart to pieces. He attempts the bad boy behavior that keeps us girls begging for more. The mean face, the ignoring, the peek-a-boo stuff like on one day he is talking to you and the next he is running away. Edward did all of this with a pure heart, he knew it was wrong and knew she would pursue so he did all of this to remove himself from her path, the path that would lead to him destroying her. So, the big three did the same thing...but they were protecting themselves from me, from dealing with an over the top crazed lovestruck girl. There's was not as nice as Edwards, but the same thing. So while reading this and not yet knowing if he was being a good guy or a bad guy, the old wounds open up.

REjoin, REfocus, REread.

Silence. Several months worth. So sorry. It has been a while.

So much going on, I am unsure where to start. RE...hmmmmm, so many opportunities to RE.

I stopped WW, lost about 9 pounds which was good.

I RE-joined the YMCA. Zumba, ahhhh, a great workout, a great stress reliever.

RE-focus. That is what I need. Refocus and recommit.

Can I tell you what I have really been up to these last few months? Promise to listen to the whole story?

twilight.

Yes, Twilight. I am a reader. I love reading and have even dreamt of being a writer. I can barely disect and label a sentence...so blogging helps me with the writer wanna be in me.

When I read a story, a good story, a well-written story, I become invested. Emotionally. I had been avoiding the whole Twilight movement for a couple of years. See, I was/am a HP fan. I mourned the end of that series...it was difficult when it ended. I am still waiting for J.K. Rowling to announce that she was just kidding and that book 8 is underway. Really. So, when the opportunity to immerse myself into another series opened up to me, I ran away screaming "no!!!!"

However, I was channel surfing through a free movie channel weekend and caught a glimpse of Twilight. I watched a portion and then searched the guide for when it would be on again. I set the DVR to record. Big mistake, huge. From that moment of watching the entire movie, it took less than four weeks to read the saga. I am not very impressed with the amount of time, you see...I am married, and a mother of a pre-schooler, and work fulltime and commute three hours daily, and have a business. So, four weeks when you factor all of that in, is impressive. I have the pains in my neck to prove it from the hours spent up way past my bed time reading in bed, propped by pillows but not holding my neck the way that my PT told me too.



to be continued...